Redneck Jokes

Billy Bob and Cleetus landed themselves a job at a sawmill. Just before morning coffee Billy Bob yelled: "Cleetus! I lost my finger!" "Have you now?" says Cleetus. "And how did you do it?" "I just touched this big spinning thing here like thi... Sumbitch! There goes another one!"

You might be a redneck if  you ask your wife whether the spot on your neck is a boil or a mole and she replies "Its a gummy bear."

You know you're a redneck when you consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.

You might be a redneck if your house still has the "WIDE LOAD" sign on it!

You just might be a Redneck if:

• You've ever tried to drown a fish.
• You can yell to your mom, "Hey, Aunt Betty!"
• Your kids fight with the dogs for their dinner.
• You've ever stood in line to have your picture taken with a freak of nature.
• More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.
• Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
• Your mother has been involved in a fist-fight at a high school sports event.
• None of your shirts cover your stomach.
• You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.
• You've ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.
• You've ever bathed with flea and tick soap.
• Your family tree does not fork.
• Your baby's first words are "Attention K-Mart shoppers."
• You have a Hefty Bag for a passenger-side window.
• The fifth grade is referred to as "your senior year."
• Three quarters of the clothes you own have logos on them.
• Your gene pool doesn't have a "deep end."
• You have the taxidermist's number on speed-dial.
• Your dog and your wallet are both on a chain.
• The UFO hotline limits you to one call per day.
• Your two-year-old has more teeth than you do.
• You have ever been accused of lying through your tooth.
• Your underwear doubles as your bathing suit.
• You let you kid pee in the parking lot at K-Mart.