One-Liner Jokes

A Buddhist monk visits a hot-dog vendor in New York City and says, "Make me one with everything."

• The only sense that is common in the long run is the sense of change. We instinctively avoid it.
• The only time to be positive is when you are positive you are wrong.
• The organization of any program reflects the organization of the people who developed it.
• The other line always moves faster.
• The paperless office will become a reality about the same time as the paperless toilet.
• The person not here is the one working on the problem.
• The phone will not ring until you leave your desk and walk to the other end of the building.
• The probability of anything happening is in inverse ratio to its desirability.
• The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
• The race is not always to the swift nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet. 

Exceptions prove the rule, and wreck the budget.

Excuses are like bodies; everybody has one!

Experience is directly proportional to the amount of equipment ruined.

Experience is something you do not get until just after you need it.

Experience is what causes a person to make new mistakes instead of old ones.

Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.

Experiment and theory often show remarkable agreement when performed in the same laboratory.

Experiments should be reproducible. They should all fail in the same way.

Extremes meet.

Fact without theory is trivia; theory without fact is garbage. 

• Don't stop to stomp on ants when the elephants are stampeding.
• Don't try to have the last word; you might get it.
• Don't worry about the sand in the Vaseline, they don't use it anyway.
• Due to recent budget cuts and downsizing, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
• Each problem solved introduces a new unsolved problem.
• Eagles may soar, free and proud, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines.
• Early to rise and early to bed makes a man healthy and wealthy and dead.
• Easiest way to figure the cost of living: take your income and add ten percent.
• Eat the rich. The poor are tough and stringy.
• Efficiency is a highly developed form of laziness. 

• Everybody should believe in something, I believe I'll have another beer.
• Everybody's gotta be someplace.
• Everyone breaks more than the seven-year-bad-luck allotment to cover rotten luck throughout an entire lifetime.
• Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work.
• Everyone has a scheme that will not work.
• Everyone hits a brick wall now and then; the trick is not to do it with your head.
• Everything east of the San Andreas fault will eventually plunge into the Atlantic Ocean.
• Everything happens at the same time with nothing in between.
• Everything in moderation, including moderation.
• Everything is actually everything else, just recycled.