Sun Lakes

A little old lady was sitting on a park bench in The Sun Lakes, an Arizona Adult community. A man walked over and sits down on the other end of the bench. After a few moments, the woman asks, "Are you a stranger here?"
He replies, "I lived here years ago."
"So, where were you all these years?"
"In prison, he says."
"Why did they put you in prison?"
He looked at her, and very quietly said, "I killed my wife."
"Oh!" said the woman. "So you're single... ?!"

Older and Better

For his wife's birthday party, a doctor ordered a cake with this inscription: "You are not getting older, You are just getting better."
When asked how he wanted it arranged, he said, "Just put 'You are not getting older' at the top, and 'You are just getting better' at the bottom."
It wasn't until the good doctor was ready to serve the cake that he discovered it read :"YOU ARE NOT GETTING OLDER AT THE TOP, YOU ARE JUST GETTING BETTER AT THE BOTTOM."

Senior CCW

I'm a senior citizen and just got my concealed carry permit. I went to Cabela's to purchase a Glock 43 because it was just the right size and weight for me to carry.  When I was ready to pay, the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me."  Pissed off that Bloomberg's gun control wacko's had gone too far, I did as she had instructed.  When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out she was referring to how I should place my credit card in the chip card reader.  I've been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.
 They need to make their instructions for seniors a little clearer.