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The best jokes and joke writers!

War is War

During World War II a group of German soldiers capture a French village. “Hand over all your food,” says the German officer to the Mayor . “But all we have left is a few scraps of bread,” protests the Mayor. “War is war,” replies the officer. “Hand it over.” After the Germans have eaten, the officer says, “Now give us your wine.” “We have nothing but a single bottle,” says the Mayor. “Tough,” says the officer. “Hand it over. War is war.” Once the Germans have drunk the wine, their officer says, “Now we want women. Hand over every girl in the village.” “But we have none,” replies the Mayor. “They have all fled. The only woman left is Madame Blanc, and she is over 90 years old.” “We don’t care,” says the officer. “War is war. Hand her over.” So the Mayor brings out Madame Blanc, who slowly starts taking off her clothes. The German officer gulps as he watches the old woman undress, “Uh, look, on second thought, we won’t bother…” he says. “Not so fast, Fritz,” replies Madame Blanc, dropping her underwear, “War is war.”

Yo Mama - Birth Certificate

Yo mama so old her birth certificate says expired on it!

Yo Mama - Moses

Yo mama so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.

Keep the Motor Running

It was the stir of the town when an 80-year-old man married a 20-year-old girl. After a year she went into the hospital to give birth. The nurse came out to congratulate the fellow. "This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?" He answered, "You've got to keep that old motor running." The following year she gave birth again. The same nurse said, "You really are amazing. How do you do it?" He again said, "You've got to keep the old motor running." The same thing happened the next year. The nurse said, "You must be quite a man." He responded, "You've got to keep that old motor running." The nurse then said, "Well, you had better change the oil, this one's black!"

Viagra Verdict

Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their kids overnight. When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills. The son said, "I don't think you should take one Dad, they're very strong and very expensive." "How much?" asked Grandpa. "$10.00 a pill," answered the son. "I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd still like to try one, and before we leave in the morning, I'll put the money under the pillow." Later the next morning, the son found $110 under the pillow. He called Grandpa and said, "I told you each pill was $10, not $110. "I know," said Grandpa. "The hundred is from Grandma!"