Found Her Hearing Aid

A rather senile old lady went to her doctor complaining of draining and a feeling of fullness in her ear. After the examination, the doctor initiated a conversation that went as follows:
D: Why madam, I think you have a suppository in your ear.
L: eh?
D: Madam - You have a SUPPOSITORY in your EAR!
L: ??EH??
D: (shouting) --IN YOUR EAR! --A SUPPOSITORY!!!
L: Oh, thank Goodness - now I know where I put my hearing aid!

Kimmel Halloween

During his Halloween special, Jimmy Kimmel was asking the audience questions about ghosts. "Who here has ever sensed the presence of a ghost?" Five people raise their hand. Then he asked, "Who here has ever SEEN a ghost?" Three people raise their hand. Then he asked "Okay, now who here has ever had sex with a ghost?"  One person, an old man raises his hand. So he goes up to this old man and says "what was it like?" The old man replied, "Oh, it was great! Never had anything like it before!" Jimmy replied, "Really? So the ghost was good?" The old man said, "GHOST? I thought you said GOAT!"

Old Woman Visits Doctor

An old woman came into her doctor's office and confessed to an embarrassing problem. "I fart all the time, Doctor Johnson, but they're soundless, and they have no odor. In fact, since I've been here, I've farted no less than twenty times. What can I do?" "Here's a prescription, Mrs. Harris. Take these pills three times a day for seven days and comeback and see me in a week." Next week an upset Mrs. Harris marched into Dr. Johnson's office. "Doctor, I don't know what was in those pills, but the problem is worse! I'm farting just as much, but now they smell terrible! What do you have to say for yourself?" "Calm down, Mrs.Harris," said the doctor soothingly. "Now that we've fixed your sinuses, we'll work on your hearing."