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The best jokes and joke writers!

Make a Hormone

Q: How do you make a hormone?

A: Easy -- don't pay her.

Barnum and Bailey's Circus

Barnum & Bailey was transferring the circus from one town to another. The elephants were connected trunk to tail. They came along a railroad crossing and as the elephants were halfway across the tracks, a train came along and killed two of them. Shortly thereafter, B&M Railroad received an invoice from Barnum and Bailey for $10,000. B&M immediately called Barnum & Bailey and requested an explanation for the charge, writing, "What is the cost of a new elephant?" Barnum & Bailey responded, "$1,000 each." B&M responded, "But, we only killed two of them!" Barnum & Bailey said, "Yes, but you pulled the assholes out of eight others."

Duck's Form of Payment

There was a duck that went to a local store to buy chapstick, the clerk asked if he would pay cash and the duck said, no, just put it on my bill.

Placing Your Order

A friend and I were standing in line at a fast-food restaurant, waiting to place our order. There was a big sign posted. "No bills larger than $20 will be accepted." The woman in front of us, pointing to the sign, remarked, "Believe me, if I HAD a bill larger than $20, I wouldn't be eating here."

Do You Accept Credit Cards?

A Texan convicted of robbery worked out a deal to pay $9,600 in damages rather than serve a two-year prison sentence. For payment, he provided the court a forged check. He got his prison term back, plus eight more years.