TEACHER: "Johnny, use defeat, deduct, defense, and detail in one sentence."
JOHNNY: "De-feet of De-duck went over De-fence before De-tail."
Little Johnny walked in one day on his daddy in the bathroom. He asked his father what that was hanging between his legs. His father replied that it was the perfect penis. The next day at school, Johnny pulled his pants down in front of his classmates.
''What's that?'' asked Jenny.
''Well,'' said Johnny, ''if it was about 3 inches smaller, it would be the perfect penis.'''
A teacher trying to teach good manners asked one of her students the following question:
"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"
Michael said: "Just a minute I have to go pee."
The teacher responded by saying: "That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?"
Sherman said: "I'm sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back."
"That’s better, but it’s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?"
Johnny said: "I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, who I hope to introduce you to after dinner."
Little Johnny and the School Play
Little Johnny tried out for the school play. The teacher gave him these lines to practice: "Hark! A pistol shot! There lies a lady with hope in her soul. I think I'll snatch a kiss and run into the forest. By William Shakespeare. "Little Johnny practiced and practiced and did the lines perfectly every time. The night of the play it was his turn to speak. This is what he said: "Hark! A pigeon shit! There lies a lady with soap in her hole. I think I'll kiss her snatch and run into the forest. By William Snakeshit... Horseshit... Oh, shit! I didn't want to be in this damn play anyway!"
A sixth grade class is doing some spelling drills. The teacher asks Tommy if he can spell 'before.' He stands up and says, "Before, B-E-P-H-O-R." The teacher says, "No, that's wrong. Can anyone else spell before?" Another little boy stands up and says, "Before, B-E-F-O-O-R." Again the teacher says, "No, that's wrong." The teacher asks, "Little Johnny, can you spell 'before'?" Little Johnny stands up and says, "Before, B-E-F-O-R-E." "Excellent Johnny, now can you use it in a sentence?" Little Johnny says, "That's easy. Two plus two be fore."