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The best jokes and joke writers!

Here's Little Johnny!

A teacher in New York City wanted to see how many animals the city kids in her fourth-grade class could identify. She drew a picture of a cow on the blackboard and said, "Who can tell me what this is?" A little girl raised her hand. "Yes, Janie, what do you think it is?" "It's a cow, teacher." "Very good, Janie," said the teacher. Then she drew a picture of a pig, and a little boy answered correctly. She drew several other barnyard animals and was unable to stump the class. Finally, she decided to try something a little more difficult. She drew a stag with a large spread of antlers. The kids just stared, but nobody offered an answer. "I'll give you a hint," said the teacher. "What does your mommy call your daddy when she's trying to be 'lovey-dovey'?" Instantly, little Johnny raised his hand and said,  "Ooh, ooh!, I know, Teacher. It's a big horny bastard!"

Stepped On

Teacher: Let's take the example of the busy ant. He is busy all the time, works all day and every day. Then what happens?
Little Johnny : " He gets stepped on."

Sex Education

One day in class the teacher has sex education. On the black board she draws a penis then asks the class if any of them knows what it is. In the back of the room, Dirty Johnny stands and says "That's a penis, and my father has two of them."

The teacher looks surprised and asks, "What do you mean, two?"

Dirty Johnny responds, "A little one to pee, and a big one to brush the baby sitter's teeth."

Punctuation Options

A teacher said to her little student Suzie, "Punctuate the following sentence: Fun fun fun worry worry worry."

Little Suzie thought for a moment and began her reply, "Let's see. Fun, period, fun, period, fun, no period, worry worry worry!"

Little Johnny's Alphabet

Little Johnny is in class. The teacher is going through the alphabet, having each child think up a word that starts with a letter. They get to "W", and the teacher figures Little Johnny can't think up anything dirty with a "W" so she calls on him. "Womb!", Little Johnny says. "That's a good word, Johnny", teacher says. "Is that as in, where babies come from?" she asks. "No," says Johnny, "that's the sound elephants make when they're screwing, you know, 'Womb! Womb! Womb!"