Good, Bad, Worse

Good: Your children are sexually active.
Bad: With each other.
Worse: And your wife.
Good: Hot outdoor sex.
Bad: Getting arrested.
Worse: By your husband.
Good: The teacher likes your son.
Bad: Sexually.
Worse: The teacher is a he.
Good: You go home for a quickie.
Bad: You get caught by your wife
Worse: You're with her sister.

Mother In Law Happiness

Happiness is defined as opening your refrigerator to find your mother-in-law's picture on the milk carton.

Redneck Marriage Vows

You know you're a redneck when you think marriage vows are what your father-in-law promised to do to you if you didn't marry his daughter.