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The best jokes and joke writers!

Insult Collection

  • Why don't you go to the library and brush up on your ignorance?
  • I hear you changed your mind! What did you do with the diaper?
  • You have an inferiority complex -- and it's fully justified.
  • You are not as bad as people say -- you are worse!
  • Do you have to leave so soon? I was about to poison the tea.
  • I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?
  • Whom am I calling "stupid"? I don't know. What's your name?
  • Take a vacation go to Club Dead.
  • Your mouth is getting too big for your muzzle.
  • You are as strong as an ox and almost as intelligent.
  • You are living proof of reincarnation. No one could possibly get to be so stupid in just one lifetime.
  • You grow on people -- like a wart!

Favorite Insults

When you're at a loss for words but want to tell someone that he or she is stupid, remember these quips from our collection at JokerZ - enjoy!

  • Operating in stand-by mode.
  • Ought to have a warning label on his forehead.
  • Out there where the buses don't run.
  • Outlet isn't grounded.
  • Over the rainbow.
  • Overdue for reincarnation.
  • Paged/swapped out.
  • Paralyzed from the neck up.
  • Parents beat him with an ugly stick.
  • Parked his head and forgot where he left it.
  • Pedaling real fast, but not getting anywhere.
  • People around her are at risk of second hand idiocy.
  • Perfect chassis, bad driver.
  • Perfect face for Halloween.

Stupid People Awards

It is once again time to vote for the Darwin Award nominees . As you may already know, the Darwin Awards are for those nominees who will not be contributing to the gene pool (thankfully). The nominees are:

NOMINEE No.1: [San Jose Mercury News] An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend's windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.

NOMINEE No.2 [Kalamazoo Gazette] James Burns, 34, of Alamo,Mich., was killed in March as he was trying to repair what. police described as a "farm-type truck." Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a highway while Bums hung underneath so that he could assess the source of a troubling noise. Burns' clothes caught on something, however, and the other man found Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft."

NOMINEE No.3 [Hickory Daily Record] Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton, N.C., when, awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson. 38 Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear.

NOMINEE No.4 [UIPI, Toronto] Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows in a downtown Toronto Skyscraper crashed through a pane with his shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto Dominion Bank Tower early Friday evening as he was explaining the strength of the building's windows to visiting law students. Hoy previously had conducted demonstrations of window strength according to police reports. Peter Lawyers, managing partner of the firm Holden Day Wilson, told the Toronto Sun newspaper that Hoy was "one of the best and brightest" members of the 200-man association.

NOMINEE No.5 [Bloomburg News Service] A terrible diet and room with no ventilation are being blamed for the death of a man who was killed by his own gas. There was no mark on his body but autopsy showed large amounts of methane gas in his system. His diet had consisted primarily of beans and cabbage (and a couple of other things). It was just the right combination of foods. It appears that the man died in his sleep from breathing the poisonous cloud that was hanging over his bed. Had he been outside or had his windows been opened, it wouldn't have been fatal. But the man was shut up in his, near airtight bedroom. According to the article, "He was a big man with a huge capacity for creating "this deadly gas." Three of the rescuers got sick and one was hospitalized.

NOMINEE No..6 [The News of the Weird.] Michael Anderson Godwin made News of the Weird posthumously. He had spent several years awaiting South Carolina's electric chair on a murder conviction before having his sentence reduced to life in prison. While sitting on a metal toilet in his cell and attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit into a wire and was electrocuted.

NOMINEE NO.7 ["The. Indianapolis Star"] A cigarette lighter may have triggered fatal explosion - Dunkirk, Indiana. A Jay County man using a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a muzzle loader was killed Monday night when the weapon discharged in his face, sheriffs investigators said. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his parents' rural Dunkirk home about 11:30 p.m. Investigators said Pryor was cleaning a 54-caliber muzzle loader that had not been firing properly. He was using the lighter to look into the barrel when the gunpowder ignited.

NOMINEE No.8 [AP, St. Louis] Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being disorderly in a St. Louis market. When the clerk threatened to call police, Puelo grabbed a hot dog, shoved it in his mouth, and walked out without paying for it. Police found him unconscious in front of the store; paramedics removed the six-inch wiener from his throat, where it had choked him to death.

NOMINEE No.9 [Unknown] To poacher Marino Malerba, who shot a stag standing above him on an overhanging rock-and was killed instantly when it fell on him.

NOMINEE No.10 [Associated Press, Kincaid] Blasting Cap Explodes in Man's Mouth at Party. A man at a party popped a blasting cap into his mouth and bit down, triggering an explosion that blew off his lips, teeth, and tougue state police said Wednesday. Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid, bit the blasting cap as a prank during a party late Tuesday night, said Cpl. M.D.Payne. Another man had it in an aquarium hooked to a battery, and was trying to explode it," Payne said. "It wouldn't go off and this guy said, 'I'II show you how to set it off." Yet Another Darwin award candidate - or pair of candidates -- this just might be the winner!

Stupid Insults

  • His pointers are null / uninitialized.
  • His puzzle is missing a few pieces.
  • His reaction time is longer than his attention span. 
  • His root file system isn't mounted.
  • His seat back is not in the full upright and locked position.
  • His shared libraries aren't installed.
  • His signal-to-noise ratio is epsilon.
  • His spark can't jump the gap.
  • His spirit guide is a three-toed sloth.
  • His stack's not very deep / he has an eight-byte stack.
  • His strings aren't null-terminated.
  • His strip is demagnetized.
  • His system administrator is never in.
  • His train tracks aren't quite parallel.
  • His URL denies outside access.
  • His watch dog is sleeping.
  • His wisdom is stolen from bumper-stickers and T-shirts.
  • Hitler's evil twin.
  • Hyperspatially interconnected / permanently disconnected neural net.
  • Hypnotized as a child and couldn't be woken.
  • I'd like to buy him for what he's worth and sell him for what he thinks he's worth.
  • If brains were bird droppings, he'd have a clean cage.
  • If brains were dynamite, she wouldn't have enough to blow her nose / her hat off / the wax out of her ears.
  • If brains were gasoline, he wouldn't have enough to drive a dinky car around the inside of a cheerio.
  • If brains were grains of sand, he couldn't fill a dixie cup.
  • If brains were lard, he'd be hard pressed to grease a small pan.
  • If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate.
  • If brains were water, hers wouldn't be enough to baptize a flea.
  • If God tried to help him, we'd have an eight day week.
  • If he donated his brain to science, it'd set civilization back 50 years.

Paper View

Yo mama so stupid she put paper on the TV and called it pay-per-view.