Insult Jokes - Stupid Insults

This guy decides to get a sex change. So he goes to the doctors and has the thing done. A couple of weeks later he was talking to one of his old buddies about it. "Gee, it must have really hurt when they shot all that silicon into your chest to make your breasts." "Not really, I hardly felt it." "Well, it must have really hurt when they chopped off your manhood!" "Nope, I didn't really feel it either. The only thing that really hurt was when they drilled a hole in my skull and sucked out half my brain!"

An actual tip from page 16 of the Hewlett Packard Environmental, Health & Safety Handbook for Employees: "Blink your eyelids periodically to lubricate your eyes."

I don't think you are a fool. Then again what's my opinion against thousands of others?

Two men were digging a ditch on a very hot day. One said to the other, "Why are we down in this hole digging a ditch when our boss is standing up there in the shade of a tree?" "I don't know," responded the other. "I'll ask him." So he climbed out of the hole and went to his boss. "Why are we digging in the hot sun and you're standing in the shade?" "Intelligence," the boss said. "What do you mean, ‘intelligence'?" The boss said, "Well, I'll show you. I'll put my hand on this tree and I want you to hit it with your fist as hard as you can." The ditch digger took a mighty swing and tried to hit the boss' hand. The boss removed his hand and the ditch digger hit the tree. The boss said, "That's intelligence!" The ditch digger went back to his hole. His friend asked, "What did he say?" "He said we are down here because of intelligence." "What's intelligence?" said the friend. The ditch digger put his hand on his face and said, "Take your shovel and hit my hand." 

Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.