Gross Jokes

Blame Duke

There once was a man who was going to the movies with a beautiful girl. Before he went, he made the mistake of eating a jumbo can of beans. Right after he picked her up, he felt the need to fart, but he figured he could wait until they got to the movies. When they got there, he asked her if she wanted some popcorn and Coke. She said sure, so he went to the restroom. The line was long, so he went back to the lobby, got the food, and went back into the theater. When the movie was over, he went to the bathroom again, still with a tremendously long line. He figures he can wait until he drops her off. When they pull up into her driveway, she exclaims, ''Oh goodie. My grandparents are here. Come on in and meet them.'' He agrees, despite his situation. They go in and sit down at the table. Finally, he couldn't hold it in any longer a tried to let it seep out a little at a time. As he squeezed out a toxic blast, he aimed it towards the family's hound dog Duke, in hopes that they might blame the pooch for the horrendous fart. The girl's father stands up and hollers ''Duke!!'' and sits back down. ''Great!'' he thought. ''They really think it's the dog!'' So, he starts bombarding the room with a couple, more powerful, louder stinkers. Once again, the girl's father stands up, shouts ''Duke!!'' and sits back down. Finally, he lets it all go and the loudest most hair-curling fart you've ever heard or smelt rippled through the dining room. The girl's father stands up again. ''Duke, get the hell out from under him before he shits on you!!''

Categories: Gross Jokes , Animal Jokes (Dog Jokes) , Funny Thoughts , Jokes about Families (Father Jokes) , Relationship Jokes (Dating Jokes)
Anonymous

MJ at Walmart

Q: Why did Michael Jackson run to Walmart?
A: Boys pants were half off.

Categories: Pop Culture / Celebrity Jokes , Riddles , Word Play Jokes , Gross Jokes , Dark Humor Jokes (Pedophile Jokes)
Anonymous

Ponderings Collection

- Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
- If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
- So what's the speed of dark?
- Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
- I just got skylights put in my place.  The people who live above me are furious.
- Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
- Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?
- Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
- If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
- Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

Categories: Funny Thoughts , Disability Jokes , Disability Jokes (Mentally Challenged Jokes) , Disability Jokes (Paraplegic Jokes) , Disability Jokes (Quadriplegic Jokes) , Gross Jokes
Anonymous