Answering Machine - Prayer

Now I lay me down to sleep; Leave a message at the beep. If I die before I wake, remember to erase the tape.

The Aged Patient's Lowered Sex Drive

The aged patient doddered into the doctor's office with a serious complaint. "Doc, you've got to do something to lower my sex drive." "Come on now Mr Peters," the doctor said, "your sex drives all in your head." "That's what I mean, you've got to lower it a little."

Calvinist Lightbulbs

Q: How many Calvinists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. God has predestined when the light will be on. Calvinists do not change light bulbs. They simply read the instructions and pray the light bulb will be the one that has been chosen to be changed.