Funny Thought - Smile in a Crisis

He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.

Poopy Insult

If I needed any shit from you I'd squeeze your head.

Hostage Gives Instructions

A blonde and a redhead are taken hostage by terrorists. The women are taken to a remote island and put before a firing squad. Just before the squad fires, the redhead points and yells, "Tornado!" The terrorists run in all different directions, and the redhead escapes. When they realize what has happened, the terrorists come back to where the blonde is still standing. They raise their rifles, and thinking quickly, the blonde points and yells, "Fire!"