Makes You Think

• I couldn't repair my brakes, so I made the horn louder.
• Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
• How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
• What happens if you get scared half-to-death twice?
• If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.
• When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
• I intend to live forever -- so far, so good!
• Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.
• Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
• Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Waiter

Being a waiter isn't a very glamorous job.
But at least it puts food on the table.

Never Face Facts

Never face facts; if you do, you'll never get up in the morning.