Still Be Stupid

Insult: If you were any dumber, your head would implode.
Response: If you were a little bit more intelligent you'd still be stupid.

Starbucks Classic

Barista: Would you like regular or decaf?
Customer: Would you like me to tip you with real money or Monopoly money?

Diamond Ring

My boyfriend bought me a diamond ring
The stone was cut in the shape of a four leaf clover. I wore it all the time to show how much it meant to me.
One day, I got curious and had it valued at a jeweller's. Unfortunately they told me that my boyfriend had been swindled, as the diamond was actually a cubic zirconia.
It was a sham rock.