Starbucks Classic

Barista: Would you like regular or decaf?
Customer: Would you like me to tip you with real money or Monopoly money?

Diamond Ring

My boyfriend bought me a diamond ring
The stone was cut in the shape of a four leaf clover. I wore it all the time to show how much it meant to me.
One day, I got curious and had it valued at a jeweller's. Unfortunately they told me that my boyfriend had been swindled, as the diamond was actually a cubic zirconia.
It was a sham rock.

Food For Thought

Patient: Doctor, you've gotta help me. I eat apples, apples later come out into the toilet. I eat bananas, bananas come out."
Doctor: That's easy. Eat shit!