Jumping Blind

Q: Why don't blind people like to skydive?
A: It scares the shit out of the dog!

Honeymooners

One day, a man was fishing on a dock across from a hotel in the country, when another man came and sat down. By way of conversation, the man asked the other what he was doing there. "I'm on a honeymoon." "Oh. Shouldn't you be having sex with your wife?" "Well, I would be. But she has a yeast infection." "What about oral sex?" "Gingivitis." "Anal sex?" "Diarrhea." "Pardon my question, but why are you with her?" "Well, I like fishing. And she's got worms." 

Goldfish Dance

I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on a carpet, but only for like 20 seconds...