Charmed

Q: Why did the man iron his four leaf clover?
A: He wanted to press his luck!

Things Never Said By A Southerner

Things never said by a southerner

• Duct tape won't fix that.
• Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
• We don't keep firearms in the house.
• You can't feed that to the dog.
• The kids can't ride in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
• Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
• We're vegetarians.
• Do you think my gut is too big?
• Honey, we don't need another dog.
• Who's Richard Petty?
• We could just share a small bag of pork rinds.
• Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
• I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
• Is there anything in this restaurant that's NOT fried?
• The tires on that truck are too big.
• I've got it all on the C drive.
• There's too much sugar in this tea.
• Checkmate.
• I believe you cooked those greens too long.

What If

My wife asked me if I'd ever thought about what my life would be like if we hadn't met.
I told her that I hadn't. Well, I don't want to depress myself.