A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with three young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed. To the first mother he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy." He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny." At this point, the third mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go."
Jewish Hanukkah Gifts
A Jewish guy's mother gives him two sweaters for Hanukkah. The next time he visits her, he makes sure to wear one. As he walks into the house, his mother frowns and asks, "What -- you didn't like the other one?"
Daughter's Eighteenth Birthday
I'm so glad that this is my last child support payment. Month after month, year after year, those payments! So I called my baby girl, Kareesha, to come over to my house, and when she got there, I said to her, "Baby girl, I want you to take this last check over to your mother's house and tell her that this is the last check she's ever going to get from me, and I want you to come back and tell me the expression that's on her face." So my baby girl took the check over to her. I was really anxious to hear what she had to say and what she looked like.. As my baby girl walked through the door, I said, "Now what did she have to say?" "She told me to tell you that you ain't my daddy, and to watch the expression on your face."
Redneck Dirty Talk
This brother was banging his sister, and he says, "You f*ck like Mom," and she laughs. He says, "What?" She says, "That's what Dad said."
A Jewish mother bought her son two pairs of socks for his birthday and, wishing to please her, he went upstairs to put a pair on. When he returned, his mother immediately said, ''You don't like the other pair?''