Jokes about Families - Mother Jokes

Little Johnny walks in on his mother in the bathtub. He asks his mother what is the big fuzzy patch below her bellybutton. She replies, "A bush." The next day Little Johnny walks in on his father while he's in the shower. He asks, "What is that big long thing hanging between your legs?" His father replies, "It is a snake." A few days later, Little Johnny walks in on his mother, once again in the bathtub. He asks, "What are those two baggy things hanging above your bellybutton?" She replies, "Headlights." A couple weeks go by and the little boy walks in on his parents having sex. He yells, "Mom, turn on your headlights! The snake is crawling into your bush!"

Q: Mom, what's an orgasm?

A: I don't know, ask your dad.

Things Mom Would Never Say:

"How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?"

"Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too" "

Just leave all the lights on ... it makes the house look more cheery"

"Let me smell that shirt -- Yeah, it's good for another week"

"Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I'll be glad to feed and walk him every day"

"Well, if Timmy's mom says it's OK, that's good enough for me."

"The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It's not like I'm running a prison around here."

"I don't have a tissue with me ... just use your sleeve"

"Don't bother wearing a jacket - the wind-chill is bound to improve"

A Jewish guy's mother gives him two sweaters for Hanukkah. The next time he visits her, he makes sure to wear one. As he walks into the house, his mother frowns and asks, "What -- you didn't like the other one?"

This brother was banging his sister, and he says, "You f*ck like Mom," and she laughs. He says, "What?" She says, "That's what Dad said."