Jokes about Families - Father Jokes

A little boy and his dad are standing in line at the grocery store behind a big fat lady. The little boy says, "Hey, Dad, look how fat that lady is!" "Shhhh, quiet, Son, she'll hear you." "But, Dad, look how big and fat that lady is!" "Shhhhhh, don't say that, Son, it's not nice!" "But, Dad, look how big and fat that lady is!" "Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh, don't say that, Son, it's not nice and it's rude!" Suddenly the fat lady's cell phone began beeping. "Look out, Dad, she's backing up!"

Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, "Why do you want to join the Navy, son?" "My father said it'd be a good idea, sir." "Oh? And what does your father do?" "He's in the Army, sir."

One day, little Timmy was at school and heard the word "shit". He went home and asked his dad for the definition and he promptly told him, "coats and jackets".

Timmy went to school the next day and heard the word "fucking" and for a second time, asked his father what it meant. His father promptly said "cooking".

Then, he returned to school the third day and heard the words "bitches and hoes". He went home and his father told him it meant "grandpa and grandma".

Later, on Thanksgiving night, his grandparents came over. Timmy answered the door with glee and says..."Hey bitches and hoes! I'll take your shit to the closet cause dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey!

A man takes his 10 year old daughter to the doctor. He says "Doctor, I want to put her on the pill." The Doctor says "Why?!? Is she sexually active?" The guy says "Nah, she just lies there like her mother."

Murphy said to his daughter, "I want you home by eleven o'clock." She said, "But Father, I'm no longer a child!" He said, "I know, that's why I want you home by eleven."