Slippers

Paddy broke his leg and his buddy Mick comes over to see him. Mick says, "How you doin'?" Paddy says, "Okay, but do me a favor mate, run upstairs and get me slippers, me feet are freezing."
Mick goes upstairs and sees Paddy's gorgeous 19-year old twin daughters lying on the bed. He says, "Your dad's sent me up here to have sex with both of you." They say, "Get away with ya... Prove it."
Mick shouts downstairs, "Paddy, both of 'em?" Paddy shouts back, "Of course both of 'em, what's the point of fuckin' one?"

Sass

Praying that my young daughters sass helps her lead a company someday and not a prison gang

Caught in the Act

My daughter walked into our bedroom and caught us having sex. "What are you doing?" she asked in shock. "Making you someone to play with," I said. "A brother?" she asked excitingly. "No, a cousin," I replied. "Now go sit by the front window and tell me when your mother comes home."