How to Break Up A Crowd
A Scottish cop was asked how he'd break up a crowd.
He answered, "I'd take up a collection!"
Two Scotsmen Reunited
Two Scotsmen met 25 years after their last get-together. They hugged and slapped each others back and tears formed in their eyes as they renewed their old friendship. "Let's have a drink like we did in the old days," the first Scot winked at his mate. "Aye," his mate replied. "And don't forget it's your shout."
Scottsmen With Kilts
Q: Why do Scottsmen wear kilts?
A: The sound of the zipper scares the sheep.
Robbing a Scotsman
A robber sticks his gun in a Scotsman's ribs and demands, "Your money or your life!" When after a moment there is no answer, he repeats his demand, "Your money or your life!" to which the Scotsman replies, "I'm thinking it over!"
A gruesome discovery
A girl was intrigued at the kilt that a Scottsman was wearing, wondering what he would be wearing underneath. "What's underneath your kilt?", she asked him. "Why don't you take a look", he replied. Curiosity over-coming her, she lifted the kilt.then let it go,"Oh, it's gruesome!" "Well, why don't you take another look, it just grew-some more."