Signs And Notices Again

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.
Sign on a Norfolk farm: "Trespassers beware! I shoot every tenth trespasser. The ninth one just left."
Sign seen in London department store: "Bargain Basement Upstairs"
Sign seen in the vicinity of Victoria Station: "Closed for official opening."
Sign in a Paris hotel elevator: "Please leave your values at the front desk."
Sign in a hotel in Athens: "Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily."
Sign in a Yugoslavian hotel: "The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid."
Sign in a Japanese hotel: "You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid."
Sign in a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: "You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

The Wishes Of A Black Guy

A black guy has three wishes. He wishes to be white, uptight, and out of sight. Poof, he's a tampon.

Pissing Vodka

A Russian is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a bottle laying in the street. Suddenly out of the bottle comes a Genie. The Russian is stunned and the Genie says, "Hello master, I will grant you one wish, anything you want." The Russian begins thinking, "Well, I really like drinking vodka." Finally the Russian says, "I wish to drink vodka whenever I want, so make me piss vodka." The Genie grants him his wish. When the Russian gets home he gets a glass out of the cupboard and pisses in it. He looks in the glass and it's clear. Looks like vodka. Then he smells the liquid. Smells like vodka. So he takes a taste and it is the best vodka he has ever tasted. The Russian yells to his wife, "Natasha, Natasha, come quickly!" She comes running down the hall and the Russian takes another glass out of the cupboard and pisses into it. He tells her to drink, it is vodka. Natasha is reluctant but goes ahead and takes a sip. It is the best vodka she has ever tasted. The two drink and party all night. The next night the Russian comes home from work and tells his wife to get two glasses out of the cupboard. He proceeds to piss in the two glasses. The result is the same, the vodka is excellent and the couple drink until the sun comes up. Finally Friday night comes and the Russian comes home and tells his wife, "Natasha grab one glass from the cupboard and we will drink vodka. "His wife gets the glass from the cupboard and sets it on the table. The Russian begins to piss in the glass and when he fills it his wife asks him, "But Boris, why do we need only one glass?" Boris raises the glass and says, "Because tonight, my love, you drink from the bottle!"