Amsterdam Semester Abroad

Possible Courses In Amsterdam:

• Essentials of Bong Design: Discover earth, water, wind, and fire as the tools you'll need to get rid of your syllabus... some killer hashish.
• Smuggling 101: Who says the party's over? Years of commerce have made this Northern culture an expert at turning a rectum into a set of luggage.
• Medieval Condom Use: Even Sir Lancelot had a rash. Discover how centuries of crotch scratchers protected their privates with specially designed shields.
• The Development of Puke: Our native-born instructors take students from heaving to hurling.
• Architecture of Early Modern Brothels: With the aid of walking tours and guest hooker lecturers.

Southern Comments

Exclamations:

• "Well knock me down and steal muh teeth!"
• "Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit."

Threats:

• "I'll slap you so hard, your clothes will be outta style."
• "This'll jar your preserves."
• "Don't you be makin' me open a can o' whoop-ass on ya!"

Good Things & Compliments:

• "Cute as a sack full of puppies."
• "If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it."
• "Gooder than grits."

The Weather:

• "It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs."
• "It's been hotter'n a goat's butt in a pepper patch."
• Wintry roads are said to be "slicker than otter snot."

Descriptions:

• A bothersome person is "like a booger that you can't thump off."
• When something is bad then you say, "that ain't no count."
• If something is hard to do, it's "like trying to herd cats."
• "He ran like his feet was on fire and his ass was catchin."
• A hectic schedule keeps you "Busier than a cat covering crap on a marble floor."

Insults:

• "She's uglier than homemade soap."
• "Your momma's so fat, when she stepped up on the scale to be weighed, it said 'To be continued.'"
• "He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down."
• "Uglier than a lard bucket full of armpits."
• "The wheels still turning, but the hamsters dead"
• Any insulting statement is always followed by "bless his/her heart." Example: "She's dumber than a door knob, bless her heart."

The Wishes Of A Black Guy

A black guy has three wishes. He wishes to be white, uptight, and out of sight. Poof, he's a tampon.