Tonsils Removed

A mother takes her four-year-old to the hospital to have his tonsils removed. She asks the the doctor if he could also perform a circumcision while the boy's under. The doctor agrees. When the boy returns to kindergarten, a classmate tells him that he is also going to get his tonsils removed. The four-year-old tells his friend, "They're not where you think they are."

Spell It

Woman: Two *Achoo!* tickets, please.
Clerk: Have you purchased tickets here before?
Woman: *cough* No.
Clerk: Then I need your address.
Woman: Okay. It's 260..*AHEM* Sorry.. Laryngitis...
Clerk: You'll have to spell that one for me.

Half-Bird

Getting fed up of my girlfriend's speech impediment. She asked me to thaw the chicken that was in the freezer, then got pissed off when I cut it in half.