The Disabled Swimming Contest

Three guys enter a disabled swimming contest. The first has no arms. The second has no legs. The third has no body, just a head. They all line up, the whistle blows and "splash" they're all in the pool. The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly, but the guy with no legs is closes fast. The head of course sank straight to the bottom. Ten lengths later and the guy with no legs finishes first. He can still see bubbles coming from the bottom of the pool, so he decides he better dive down to rescue him. He picks up the head, swims back up to the surface and places the head at the side of the pool. The head starts coughing and sputtering.
Eventually the head catches his breath and shouts, "Three years I've spent learning to swim with my fucking ears, then two minutes before the whistle, some asshole puts a swimming cap on me!"

Wave

Q: How do you make a one armed man fall out of a tree?
A: Wave. 

Wheelchairs

Q: Why do some people take advantage of people in wheelchairs?
A: Because they're easy to push around and never stand up for themselves