Define Agony

Q: What is the definition of Agony?
A: A one-armed man hanging off a cliff with itchy balls.

Christmas Eve Dyslexic

Let's spare a thought for dyslexic children around the world this Christmas eve.
Lying awake in bed, worried sick about having Satan climb down their chimney.

What Would You Do?

"Come on, Steve," one guy said to another at the gym, "your wife is not as bad as you say. What would you do if you found another man in bed with her?" "I'd break his white cane and shoot his dog."