Heffner Seance

The Heffner family recently held a seance at the Playboy mansion and successfully contacted their father. He had one urgent message and requested that his family get the word out immediately.
The message is: "Tell the Muslims there aren't any virgins left."

Fulfilling a Promise

A woman recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home. Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the counter. Then she started talking to him, and tracing her fingers in the ashes, she said, "You know that fur coat you promised me Irving?" She answered by saying, "I bought it with the insurance money!" She then said, "Irving, remember that new car you promised me?" She answered again saying, "Well, I bought it with the insurance money!" Still tracing her finger in the ashes, she said, "Irving remember that BJ I promised you? Here it comes..."

Role Reversal

A visitor, returning to Kuwait for the first time since the Gulf War, was impressed by a sociological change. On previous visits she noted that women customarily walked about 5 paces behind their husbands.
She observed that the men now walked over 20 paces BEHIND their wives! She approached one of the women for an explanation, "What enabled women here to achieve this marvellous reversal of roles?"
"Land mines," replied the Kuwaiti woman.