Looking For A Dentist

A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth. Turning to the man next to him he said, "I forgot my teeth." The man said, "No problem." With that he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth.  "Try these," he said. The speaker tried them. "Too loose," he said. The man then said, "I have another pair... try these." The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight."  The man was not taken back at all. He then said, "I have one more pair of false teeth... try them. "The speaker said, "They fit perfectly." With that he ate his meal and gave his address. After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him. "I want to thank you for coming to my aid.  Where is your office?  I've been looking for a good dentist." The man replied, "I'm not a dentist. I'm the local undertaker."

Artist Sale

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time. "I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings." "That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?" "The guy was your doctor."

Cat Heaven

One day a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven. Greeting him the Lord says, "You've lived a good life. If there is any way I can make your stay in Heaven more comfortable, please let me know." The cat thinks for a minute and says "Well, all my life I lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor..." The Lord stops the cat and says "Say no more!" Just then a wonderful fluffy pillow appears and the cat contentedly wanders off to find a good place to nap. A few days later six mice killed in a tragic farming accident go to heaven. The Lord is there to greet them with the same offer. The mice answer: "All of our lives we've been chased. We've had to run from cats, from tractors, even from that farmer's wife with her broom. We're tired of running..." "Say no more!" The Lord replies. In a flash, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful new pair of roller skates, and they skate happily off to explore the Heavenly landscape. About a week later the Lord stops by to see the cat and finds him snoozing away. He gently wakes the cat and asks, "How are things since you got here?" The cat stretches, yawns, and replies "Oh, it is wonderful here. I get a lot of great sleep on this pillow, and those Meals On Wheels you've been sending are the BEST!"