Heffner Seance

The Heffner family recently held a seance at the Playboy mansion and successfully contacted their father. He had one urgent message and requested that his family get the word out immediately.
The message is: "Tell the Muslims there aren't any virgins left."

Strategy

Singer Nicki Minaj posted a video of a crying boy who calmed down once he placed his head on her chest. Child rearing experts are calling Minaj a natural and the boy a fucking genius.

E.T. Welcome

Q: What did E.T.'s mother say to him when he got home?
A: Where on Earth have you been?