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The best jokes and joke writers!

Alligator Trick

A guy walks into a bar with a 10 foot long alligator. The bartender flips out and says, "Hey buddy, you gotta get that animal outta here. It's going to bite one of my customers and I'll get sued." The guy says, "No no, it's a tame alligator. I'll prove it to you." He picks up the alligator and puts it on the bar. Then he unzips his pants, pulls out his package and sticks it in the alligator's mouth. The alligator just keeps his mouth open. After about 5 minutes, he pulls it out of the alligator's mouth, zips up his pants, and says, "See, I told you it was a tame alligator. Anybody else want to try it?" The drunk at the end of the bar says, "Yah, I'd like to try it but I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long!"

You're in Big Trouble

John was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem, Officer?"

"No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think you're going to do with the money?"

John thought for a minute and said, "Well, I guess I'll go get that drivers' license."

Judi, sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, "Oh, don't pay attention to him -- he's just a wise guy when he's drunk and stoned."

Brian from the back seat said, "I told you guys we wouldn't get far in a stolen car!"

At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"

Another Shot

A man walks into a bar and orders one shot. Then he looks into his shirt pocket and orders another shot. After he finishes, he looks into his shirt pocket again and orders another shot. The bartender is curious and asks him "every time you order a shot, you look in your shirt pocket. Why?" The man replies, "I have a picture of my wife in my pocket and when she starts to look good, I go home."

Whore House Danger

One day, a man walks into a whorehouse and says, ''Give me your most dangerous whore.'' The clerk says, ''She's in room 3A.'' The man goes to room 3A and sees a woman with a black leather suit, whips and chains. The whore says she wants to have sex on the peak of the roof. The man quickly agrees. They go to the roof and go at it for a while, and then they both fall off the roof, still ''together.'' They land on the sidewalk and die. A drunk man walks by, sees them together, and walks into the whorehouse. The desk clerk says, ''Hey! I thought I told you never to come back here again! Get out, now!'' To this, the drunk replies, ''I just came in here to tell you that your sign fell down.''

The Life Of The Party

The couple were leaving the cocktail party, where the husband, slightly flushed, had been the life of the party.

"John," she said, "did anyone ever tell you how fascinating, how romantic, and how handsome you are?"

"No," the man replied happily, looking at his wife, "I don't think anyone ever did?"

"Well," she snapped, "then where did you ever get the idea!!!"