A Yankee in Alabama Bar

A Yankee walks into a bar in Alabama and orders a cosmopolitan. The bartender looks at the man and says, "You're not from 'round here are ya?" "No" replies the man, "I'm from New Hampshire." The bartender looks at him and says, "Well what do you do in New Hampshire?" "I'm a taxidermist," says the man. The bartender looks bewildered, so the man explains, "I mount dead animals." The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole bar, "It's OK, boys! He's one of us!"

New and Improved Karate Chop

A huge guy walks into a bar, approaches a little guy and karate chops him in the back. When the little guy gets up, the huge guy says, "That was a karate chop from Korea." A little later, the huge guy walks back over to the little guy and karate chops him in the back. The huge guy says, "That was a karate chop from China." The little guy leaves the bar, comes back and hits the huge guy on the back. The huge guy lies unconscious on the floor. The little guy tells the bartender, "Tell him that was a crowbar from Sears."

A Duck Walks Into A Bar

A Duck walks into a bar,
Duck: You got any bread?
Barman: No, sorry, we don't have any bread [After a few minutes]
Duck: You got any bread?
Barman: Look, we don't have any bread [In a little while]
Duck: You got any bread?
Barman: We don't have any fucking bread!
Duck: Got any bread?
Barman: If you ask me if I've got any fucking bread once more I'm gonna nail your fucking bill to this bar.
Duck: You got any nails?
Barman: NO!
Duck: You got any bread?