Wrong Bus

A drunken man gets on the bus late one night, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman. She looks the man up and down and says, "I've got news for you. You're going straight to hell!" The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, "Man, I'm on the wrong bus!"

12 Year Old Scotch

A guy comes into a bar and asks the barman for twelve-year-old scotch. The barman thinks "This guy is pretty pretentious" and proceeds to pour him a drink of six-year-old scotch. He gives it to the customer who takes a drink, exclaiming, "This isn't twelve-year-old scotch, this is six-year-old scotch" The barman thinks, hey this guy knows what he's talking about, and the two of them get into a conversation about where the customer is from etc.. At one point an old guy, who was sitting at the other end of the bar comes over with a glass and hands it to the customer. The latter takes a drink, and spits it out. "This is piss!" he yells. The old guy nods and says, "Yeah, but how old am I?"

Bartender's Free Drink

A dog walks into a bar and hops up on a stool. He looks the bartender in the eye and says, "Hey, guess what? I can talk. Have you ever seen a talking dog before? How about a drink?" The bartender thinks for a moment and says, "Sure, the toilet's right around the corner."