Bed Sheets

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset.
Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode wasn't real and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational.
In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.
A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.
As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard, (barely containing his (laughter), and who had watched the whole incident, walked up and asked, 'What the heck is going on here?'
The drunk, still staring down replied: 'I think I just beat the shit out of a ghost.'

Clinton Country

A guy is sitting at a bar and orders a drink. At the same time the TV goes on and there is Bill Clinton about to give a speech. The man yells, "There's a horses ass!" A guy gets up and punches him... And the man left.. Then when Hilary Clinton came on he said the same, "There's a horses ASS..." He then got punched again... So he says to the bartender, "What is this, a Clinton country?" The bartender says "no, Horse country."

Miscommunication at a Bar

An elderly man and woman meet in a bar and get to talking. They are enjoying their conversation so much that, when the bar closes, they decide to continue at the woman's apartment. After a time, things start getting pretty romantic and they wind up in bed. Afterward, they're both laying there, staring at the ceiling.
The old man is thinking, "Gosh, if I had known she was a virgin, I would have been more careful with her."
The old lady is thinking, "Geez, if I had known he could get it up, I would have taken off my panties."