Bar Jokes

The Drunk and the Nun

There was a guy in a bar one night that got really drunk. I mean really, really, really drunk! When the bar closed he got up to go home.  As he stumbled out the door he saw a nun walking on the sidewalk. So he stumbled over to the nun and punched her in the face!  Well the nun was really surprised but before she could do or say anything he punched her again. This time she fell down and he stumbled over to her and kicked her in the butt.  Then he picked her up and threw her into a wall.  By this time the nun was pretty weak and couldn't move.  So then he stumbled over to her, put his face right next to hers and said. "Not very strong tonight, are you Batman?"

Categories: Religion Jokes (Catholic Jokes) , Bar Jokes (Drunk Jokes)
Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous

Big Joe

There was an old hermit couple living on a mountain until one day the mans wife died. Everything was fine for about three months but he got lonely so he went down the mountain to the town and went into the bar. He sat down and ordered a beer and asked the bartender, "Hey do 'ya have any women?" The bartender said, "No but we have big Joe." The man said, "I ain't like that" and stormed off back to the mountain. Three more months go by and the man decides to try asking again. He comes into the bar and says, "Hey do you have any women yet?" The bartender said, "No, just big Joe," so the man said, "I ain't like that" and again stormed out. After a year or so the old man decided to try once more so he goes down the mountain, into the bar and asks if they have any women. The bartender gave the usual reply, "Just big Joe." The old hermit said, "No I ain't like that," but stayed and had a few drinks. He asked the bartender, "If I were to do this thing with big Joe who all would know?" The bartender said, "Well me and you and big Joe of course and those two large men over there." The old hermit was taken back and said, "Why those two?" The bartender replied, "Well, somebody has to hold down big Joe, he ain't like that either."

Categories: Funny Thoughts , Bar Jokes (Walks Into a Bar) , Redneck Jokes (Hillbilly Jokes) , Sex Jokes (One Night Stand Jokes) , Sex Jokes (Gay Jokes) , Sex Jokes (Rape Jokes)
Submitted BY: Aaron Lawson

One Too Many

This guy goes into a bar and orders a beer. As he sits drinking, he notices a peanut jump out of the dish before him. The peanut proceeds to talk, "hey there buddy," it hollers, "you're looking mighty fine tonight!" The guy can't believe what he is seeing. 'This sure is some strong beer!' He thinks to himself before getting up to go to the toilet. On his way back to the bar, the guy walks past a cigarette machine which appears to speak, "hey asshole, go screw yourself!" it yells. The guy can't believe it and decides to ask the bartender what's going on. "Hey bartender, I swear to god that one of those peanuts over there just started a conversation with me and on the way back from the men's room, your cigarette machine just swore at me.'' "Let me explain," replies the bartender "the peanuts are complimentary and the cigarette machine is out of order."

Categories: Alcohol Jokes (Beer Jokes) , Bar Jokes (Walks Into a Bar) , Bar Jokes (Bar Trick Jokes) , Word Play Jokes
Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous