A man walks into a bar and orders one shot. Then he looks into his shirt pocket and orders another shot. After he finishes, he looks into his shirt pocket again and orders another shot. The bartender is curious and asks him "every time you order a shot, you look in your shirt pocket. Why?" The man replies, "I have a picture of my wife in my pocket and when she starts to look good, I go home."
Yo Mama - Sandbox
Yo mama so ugly, when she was a kid, cats tried to bury her in the sandbox.
If I was as ugly as you were, I wouldn't say "Hi" to people. I'd say "BOO!"
While walking the red carpet, a celebrity turned to the paparazzi standing nearby. "This," she said, "I suppose, is one of those hideous representations you call modern art?" "No, madam," replied the paparazzi. "That one's called a mirror."
Yo Mama - Reflection
Yo mama is so ugly, when she looks in the mirror, her reflection ducks.