Yo Mama - Santa
Yo mama so ugly, she wore a paper sack when you went to see Santa so he wouldn't cry for the photo.
Yo Mama - Onions Cry
Yo mama so ugly, she makes onions cry.
Yo mama so ugly, the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
Slap A Lady
Q: When is the only time you can smack an ugly woman in the face?
A: When her mustache is on fire.
A man walks into a bar and orders one shot. Then he looks into his shirt pocket and orders another shot. After he finishes, he looks into his shirt pocket again and orders another shot. The bartender is curious and asks him "every time you order a shot, you look in your shirt pocket. Why?" The man replies, "I have a picture of my wife in my pocket and when she starts to look good, I go home."