Tattoo On Her Butt

There once was a service man who toured the Middle East and married a beautiful little China doll. He brought her back to the States and they were very happy. He always enjoyed looking at her rear end and telling her what a beautiful butt she had. Every day it was, "Darling I love you and what a beautiful butt you have." Every night it was, "Darling I love you and what a beautiful butt you have."
Well his birthday was getting close and she wanted to surprise him with a tattoo on her rear end that said, "Beautiful Butt." So she finds a reputable tattoo artist and explains what she wants. Well the artist asks her to turn around and after a brief pause says, "There is no way I can get "Beautiful Butt" on your tiny little beautiful butt." But I can put a nice "B" on each cheek which will stand for "Beautiful Butt." A bit disappointed, she agrees and leaves with her B's.
Well the big day arrives and after a candle light dinner, gifts, and a sip of brandy, she appears in the bedroom in her birthday suit, turns around and bends over.Quickly sitting up he exclaims, "Darling I love you, but who the hell is Bob?"

Slapped Her Face

Yo mama so ugly, when she was born, the doctor slapped the wrong end.

Driver's License Picture

You'll be so fat after Thanksgiving your driver's license will say "picture continued on other side."