Karate Pig

Q: What do you call a pig that knows karate?
A: A pork chop.

Three Little Pigs Remixed

Once upon a time there were three little pigs. The straw pig, the stick pig, and the brick pig. One day this nasty old wolf came up to the straw pigs house and said "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." And he did!! So the straw pig went running over to the stick pig's house and said, "Please let me in, the wolf just blew down my house." So the stick pig let the straw pig in. Just then the wolf showed up and said, "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." And he did! So the straw pig and the stick pig went running over to the bricks pigs' house and said, "Let us in, let us in, the big bad wolf just blew our houses down." So the brick pig let them in just as the wolf showed up. The wolf said "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." The straw pig and the stick pig were so scared! But the brick pig picked up the phone and made a call.
A few minutes passed and a big, black stretch limo pulls up.
Out step three pigs named Louie, Vito, and Dominic. These pigs came over to the wolf, grabbed him by the neck and beat the living heck out of him, then one of them pulled out a gun, stuck it in the wolf's mouth and fired. Then they got back into their limo and drove off. The straw pig and stick pig were amazed! "Who the hell were those guys?" they asked. "Those were my cousins from North Jersey -- the Guinea Pigs."

Pigs for Breeding

A farmer had just bought some pigs for breeding, but didn't quite know how to do it. He soon found out that the vet would charge him $200 a pig. That was a little rich for his blood, so he figured he might be able to do it himself. So for three weeks, he'd load up all the pigs in the truck and take 'em to an isolated location where nobody would see him doing it. After three weeks, none of the pigs were pregnant, so he decided to forget about it for a morning. That morning, his wife happened to look out the window. "Honey? What are you doing to those pigs?" "What do you mean?" asked the farmer. "One's honking the horn, and the others are rocking the back of the truck."