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The best jokes and joke writers!

Unhappy Glow Worm

Q: Why was the glow worm unhappy?

A: Because her children weren't that bright!

Buying The Farm...

A city slicker wanted to buy a farm, and he'd found just what he was looking for. During an inspection of the property, however, he found a hive of bees. He told the owner that he was deathly afraid of bees, and there was no way he could consider this piece of land. The landowner assured him that the bees were completely harmless, but the buyer would have no part of it. Finally, the landowner made an offer. The buyer would allow himself to be tied to a tree for an hour, nude, under the nest. So sure of the friendliness of his bees was the farmer that if ONE bee were to sting him, the farm would be his for free. The buyer thought it over and decided it was worth the risk. An hour later, the farmer walked out to the tree and saw the poor guy slumped over in his bindings. Fearing the worst, he ran up to him and asked if he had been stung. The city fella looked up and weakly said, "No... the bees never touched me - but doesn't that calf have a mother!?!"

Sink or Float

You can tell the sex of an ant by dropping it into a jug of water.

If it sinks: girl ant

If it floats: boy ant.

Bee Pee

Q: Where do bees go to the bathroom?

A: At the BP station.

Bees and Public Transport

Q: What do bees do if they want to use public transport?

A: Wait at a buzz stop!