Crowd Pleaser

An out-of-work actor applies for a job in a zoo and is given a gorilla suit. “Our gorilla died ,” says the zoo manager. “You have to fill in for him until we find a replacement.” The actor agrees, and has a great time pretending he’s a gorilla. He does all sorts of tricks and the crowd loves him. However, as time goes on the crowds tire of his antics and start paying attention to the new lion exhibit in the next cage. To win back his audience, the actor starts teasing the lion, pulling its tail through the bars, and throwing banana peel at it. One day the actor decides to do something really daring and steals the keys to the lion’s cage. He waits till the lion is asleep then creeps in its cage with a bucket of water. The zoo visitors can’t wait to see the gorilla soak the lion and a huge crowd gathers. Unfortunately the lion wakes up before the actor can get near him and starts chasing him around the cage. Fearing for his life the actor starts screaming for help. The lion jumps on him, puts a paw on his mouth, and whispers, “Shut up, you moron, you want to get us fired?”

The Big Horse Race

The Big Horse Race Horses in the race are:
1. Passionate Lady
2. Bare Belly
3. Silk Panties
4. Conscience
5. Jockey Shorts
6. Clean Sheets
7. Thighs
8. Big Johnson
9. Heavy Bosom
10. Merry Cherry
At the Post: They're off! Conscience is left behind at the post. Jockey Shorts and Silk Panties are off in a hurry. Heavy Bosom is being pressured. Passionate lady is caught between Thighs and Big Johnson in a very tight spot. At the Halfway Mark it's Bare Belly on top. Thighs opens up and Big Johnson is pressed in. Heavy Bosom is being pushed hard against Clean Sheets. Passionate Lady and Thighs are working hard on Bare Belly. Bare Belly is under terrific pressure from Big Johnson. At The Stretch Merry Cherry cracks under the strain. Big Johnson is making a final drive. Passionate Lady is coming. At The Finish It's Big Johnson giving everything he's got and Passionate Lady takes everything Big Johnson has to offer. It looks like a dead heat but Big Johnson squirts through and wins by a head. Heavy Bosom weakens and Thighs pulls-up. Clean Sheets never had a chance.

Counting Sheep

An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. "Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night." "Have you tried counting sheep?" "That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it."