Top Ten Things A Cat Thinks About

1. I could have sworn I heard the can opener.
2. Is there something I'm not getting when humans make noise with their mouths?
3. Why doesn't the government do something about dogs?
4. I wonder if Morris really liked 9-Lives, or did he have ULTERIOR motives?
5. Hmmm ... If dogs serve humans, and humans serve cats, why can't we cats ever get these STUPID dogs to do anything for us?
6. This looks like a good spot for a nap.
7. Hey -- no kidding, I'm sure that's the can opener.
8. Would humans have built a vast and complex civilization of their own if we cats hadn't given them a reason to invent sofas and can openers in the first place?
9. If there's a God, how can He allow neutering?
10. If that really was the can opener, I'll play finicky just to let THEM know who's boss!

Barbecuing Chicken

Little old Mr. Ravelli is on his front stoop, barbecuing a chicken on a manual rotisserie.
A drunk comes walking along and says, "Hey, man...the music stopped, and your monkey's on fire."

Greedy Kiwi

This aussie caught this kiwi having a bit of fun with a sheep. "Mate", the aussie said, "Over there we shear them". The kiwi replied, "Mate, I'm not shearing this with anyone"