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The best jokes and joke writers!

Bear In A Bar

A bear walked into a bar and said to the bartender, "I'll have a pint of beer and a .............................. packet of peanuts."

The bartender said, "Why the big paws?"

9 Signs Santa Has Been Drinking

  1. While your child is on his lap, he tells them they're not getting his Bud Light.
  2. You see his sleigh pulled over and the police with a breathalyzer.
  3. Those darn milk and cookies never worked but the Jack Daniels does!
  4. You don't remember getting a request for venison in your stocking.
  5. Betty Ford releases him on December 24th.
  6. After each child, he has a Jello Shot.
  7. This year the sleigh is being pulled by the Schlitz Malt Liquor Bull.
  8. He jumps down a manhole and then gets angry when he can't find the tree.
  9. Instead of going Onward, Dancer and Prancer...he just grumbles and says "Awww...just get going!"

Good Bud

Q: What's the difference between men and beer?

A: When you're done with the beer it's still worth 5 cents.

Harambe at MadTree

Harambe and a friend walk into the taproom at MadTree Brewing in Cincinnati. After quite a few drinks, Harambe asks for a final mug of Happy Amber, his favorite brew. His friend says, "Dude, you've had too much today. Just get some ice to suck on for a while until we leave." Harambe nods his agreement, and the bartender says, "So, just ice?"

His friend says, "Yep, just ice for Harambe."

Who Keeps Saying Those Things?

A man walked into a bar after a long day at work. As he began to drink his beer, he heard a voice say seductively "You've got great hair!" The man looked around but couldn't see where the voice was coming from, so he went back to his beer.

A minute later, he heard the same soft voice say, "You're a handsome man!" The man looked around, but still couldn't see where the voice was coming from.

When he went back to his beer, the voice said again, "What a stud you are!" The man was so baffled by this that he asked the bartender what was going on. The bartender said, "Oh, it's the nuts -- they're complimentary."