My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought two cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.
" Alcohol kills slowly " So what? Who's in a hurry?
The Eighteen Bottles
The Eighteen Bottles
I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in my cellar and was told by my wife to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink, or else... I said I would and proceeded with the unpleasant task. I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink with the exception of one glass, which I drank. I then withdrew the cork from the second bottle and did likewise with it, with the exception of one glass, which I drank. I then withdrew the cork from the third bottle and poured the whiskey down the sink which I drank. I pulled the cork from the fourth bottle down the sink and poured the bottle down the glass, which I drank. I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next and drank one sink out of it, and threw the rest down the glass. I pulled the sink out of the next glass and poured the cork down the bottle. Then I corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink and drank the pour. When I had everything emptied, I steadied the house with one hand, counted the glasses, corks, bottles, and sinks with the other, which were twenty-nine, and as the houses came by I counted them again, and finally I had all the houses in one bottle, which I drank. I'm not under the affluence of incohol as some thinkle peep I am. I'm not half as thunk as you might drink. I fool so feelish I don't know who is me, and the drunker I stand here, the longer I get.
You're Getting Sleepy
Hypnotists reckon they can cure alcoholism merely by implanting an idea in the drinker's head. It's a sobering thought.
There was an Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman. One day they came across a ladder and climbed up it, as one does. At the top of the ladder there was a genie and she said: "As you go down this slide, shout out whatever you want to land in..." So the Englishman shouted "Beeeeeeer." The Scotsman shouts "Whisssskey." And the poor old Irishman shouted, "Weeeeeeeee!"