We're sorry, but it appears that you are using an anonymous proxy. To prevent fraudulent voting, we don't allow votes from anonymous proxies.

This contest requires users to be registered in order to vote.

You must be a registered user to submit a joke.  But registering is FREE and don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address, and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).

You must complete account validation before submitting jokes. Click here to go to your profile page to complete the process.

We’re sorry, but your browser settings indicate that you don’t want to be tracked.  You can either disable that setting or simply register for a FREE account, so we’ll know that you want us to track your preferences and feedback.  Don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).


The best jokes and joke writers!

Amish Mechanic

Q: What would you call an Amish guy with his arm up a horse's ass?

A: A Mechanic.

Ball Point Pen

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ball-point pens would not work in zero gravity.
To combat this problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion developing a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to over 300° C.

The Russians use a pencil.

11 Business One Liners

  1. In every work of genius we recognize our rejected thoughts.
  2. In order to get a loan, you must first prove you don't need it.
  3. In spite of all evidence to the contrary, the entire universe is composed of only two basic substances: magic and lies.
  4. In the fight between you and the world, back the world.
  5. Incompetence is a double-edged banana.
  6. Influence is like a savings account. The less you use it, the more you've got. - Andrew Young, American politician
  7. Inspiration and perspiration are related by more than rhyme.
  8. Intelligence is a tool to be used towards a goal, and goals are not always chosen intelligently. - Larry Niven 'Protector'
  9. Interchangeable parts won't.
  10. Incompetence knows no barriers of time or place.
  11. It may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

Ploughing the land

A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy patch in the road and the car became bogged. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen before him.  The farmer stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and offered to pull the car out of the mud for $50. The husband accepted and minutes later the car was free. The farmer turned to the husband and said, "You know, you're the tenth car I've helped out of the mud today."  The husband looks around at the fields incredulously and asks the farmer, "When do you have time to plow your land? At night?"  "No," the young farmer replied seriously, "Night is when I put the water in the hole."

Job Interview

A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job. The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks "What does two plus two equal?" The mathematician replies "Four." The interviewer asks "Four, exactly?" The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says "Yes, four, exactly." Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question "What does two plus two equal?" The accountant says "On average, four - give or take ten percent, but on average, four." Then the interviewer calls in the economist and poses the same question "What does two plus two equal?" The economist gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down next to the interviewer and says "What do you want it to equal?"