Emily Dickinson's Favorite Reindeer

Q: What is Emily Dickinson's Favorite Reindeer?
A: Dasher

No Child Left Behind

Q: Who in the school district is most focused on  “No Child Left Behind”?
A: The bus driver

Entertainers Needed

A comedian, new to the profession, is looking for places to perform. He notices a sign outside of one place reading ''Entertainers wanted, see within," below which someone had written ''NO HYPNOTISTS!'' with a marker. He goes inside and inquires about the gig. "You're not a hypnotist are you?'' "No'' the comedian says, ''Why do you ask?'' ''Well, last week we had a hypnotist and he had at least twenty people up on stage. Just as he got them all under, he tripped over his microphone wire and shouted 'SHIT'. We've been cleaning it up for days!''