We're sorry, but it appears that you are using an anonymous proxy. To prevent fraudulent voting, we don't allow votes from anonymous proxies.

This contest requires users to be registered in order to vote.

You must be a registered user to submit a joke.  But registering is FREE and don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address, and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).

You must complete account validation before submitting jokes. Click here to go to your profile page to complete the process.

We’re sorry, but your browser settings indicate that you don’t want to be tracked.  You can either disable that setting or simply register for a FREE account, so we’ll know that you want us to track your preferences and feedback.  Don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).


The best jokes and joke writers!

USENET Changes a Lightbulb

 How many USENET posters does it take to change a lightbulb

A1. Define "change"

A2. How do you know the lightbulb is out?

A3. Don't use the word "posters" to describe us, it's offensive to large sheets of papers with pictures on them which hang on walls.

A4. That question is not appropriate for this group, please take itelsewhere.

A5. I think it's perfectly appropriate, this is alt.fan.lightbulbs.

A6. Well, that's because you're a twit.

A7. Who are you calling a "twit"? Besides, you spelled "twit" wrong.

A8. Oh? And how exactly do *you* spell "twit", twit?

A9. Could you two take this to e-mail? Doesn't anyone want to talk about lightbulb fans instead of flaming?

A10. You're a twit also, who died and made you net.cop?

A11. Look, all of you, take it to alt.flame or e-mail or something.

A12. Hey, USENET is an anarchy, you have no right to tell them what to post or not post.

A13. Speaking of anarchists, why don't you all vote for Andre Marrou,Libertarian Party Candidate for President?

A14. Because the Libertarians are all twits.

A15. Wait aminit! Now we're arguing politics on alt.fan.lightbulb????

A16. Stop wasting bandwidth with this stuff!

A17. What "stuff" pray tell?

A18. Yikes! It's dark in here!

A19. Define "dark".

A20. I mean the lightbulb must be out.

A21. So change it.

A22. Define "change"...

How Many Cops?

Q: How many cops does it take to change a light bulb?

A: One, unless it's a black bulb, then he'll call for backup!

USS Enterprise Crewmembers Lightbulb

Q: How many members of the USS Enterprise does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Six.  Scotty to get on the intercom when the light goes out and say, "I canna do it, Cap'n!".  Spock to tell Kirk he is proceeding illogically.  McCoy to say "Dammit, Jim -- I'm a doctor not an electrician!!"  Kirk to screw it in and two red-shirt security officers to die in the process.

Egomaniac Light Bulb

Q: How many egomaniac does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: One, because the egomaniac can hold the bulb, and the rest of the world will naturally revolve around him.

Chauvinist Pigs...Bulb?

Q:  How many male chauvinistic pigs does it take to change a light bulb?

A:  None. Let the bitch do it by herself. Or None. Let the bitch cook in the dark.