Profession Jokes - Others

Finally, a definition of Marketing that makes sense:

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I'm fantastic in bed." That's Direct Marketing.

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, "He's fantastic in bed." That's Advertising.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed." That's Telemarketing.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed." That's Public Relations.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says, I hear you're fantastic in bed." That's Brand Recognition.

The incredibly dumb ATT fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership". He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.

Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting please to come out and give himself up.

An Illinois man pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

A 9-year-old boy in Manassas, Virginia received a one-day suspension under his elementary school's drug policy last week - for Certs! Joey Hoeffer allegedly told a classmate that the mints would make him "jump higher."

A student in Belle, West Virginia was suspended for three days for giving a classmate a cough drop. School principal Forest Mann reiterated the school's "zero-tolerance" policy...not to be confused with the "zero-intelligence" policy.

Fire investigators on Maui have determined the cause of a blaze that destroyed a $127,000 home last month - a short in the homeowner's newly installed fire prevention alarm system.

"This is even worse than last year," said the distraught homeowner, "when someone broke in and stole my new security system..."

Old magicians never die, they just they just change color.

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted,  cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

Joe Smith is on his death bed, knows the end is near. His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, are with him. So, he says to them: 

"Bernie, I want you to take the Avenue Road houses."

"Sybil, take the apartments over in Rosedale."

"Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the City Center Mall."

"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the banks of the Don Valley Ravine." 

The nurse is just blown away by all this , and as Joe slips away, she says, "Mrs. Smith, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property." 

Sarah replies, "Property? .... the asshole had a paper route!"