What Marketing Is

I've learned what marketing is.
You are at a party and you see a very pretty girl. You approach her and tell her, "I am very good in bed." That is Direct Marketing.
You are at a party with a group of friends and you see a very pretty girl. One of your friends approaches her and tells her, "That guy over there is very good in bed." That is Advertising.
You are at a party and you see a very pretty girl. You ask for her phone number. The following day you call her and tell her, "I am very good in bed." That is Telemarketing.
You are at a party and you see a very pretty girl. You recognize her, you approach her and refresh her memory by telling her, "Do you remember how good I am in bed?" That is Customer Relationship Management.
You are at a party and you see a very pretty girl. You get up, fix your tie, pour her a drink, open the door for her, pick up her bag when it falls and you tell her,"I am very good in bed." That is Public Relations.
You are at a party and you see a very pretty girl. She approaches you and tells you, "I heard you are very good in bed." That, that is Branding.

Welfare

A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi . . You know, I just HATE drawing welfare I'd really rather have a job."
The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur / bodyguard for his 18-year-old nymphomaniac daughter. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, and he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You'll have an adjoining room. The starting salary is $200,000 a year."
The guy says, "You're bullshitting me!"
The social worker says, "Yeah, well, you started it."

Nude Painting

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits. After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude. In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door. "Who is it?", calls one of the nuns. "Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door. The two nuns look at each other and shrug, and, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, so they open the door. "Nice butt, sister," says the man, "where do you want these blinds?"