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The best jokes and joke writers!

They Used To Be...

At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," said the patient with remorse

My Call

A doctor rushed out of his study room. "Get me my bag!" he shouted. "Why, what's the matter?" inquired his pretty young wife. "Some fellow just phoned and said he can't live without me," he gasped as he reached for his hat. The young wife sighed. "Just a moment," she said gently. "I think that call was for me."

Calling The Shots

I was in the waiting room of my doctor's office the other day when the doctor started yelling, "Typhoid! Tetanus! Measles!" I went up to the nurse and asked her what was going on. She told me that the doctor liked to call the shots.

Redneck Disease

A redneck visits the doctor and says, "I have seenus disease." The doctor said, "You mean sinus disease." The man said, "No, I was in bed with my girlfriend and my wife seen us."

Shy Patient

During her annual checkup, buxom blonde beauty was asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table. "Doctor," she replied shyly. "I just can't undress in front of you." "All right," said the physician. "I'll flick off the lights. You undress and tell me when you're through."

In a few moments, her voice rang out in the darkness, "Doctor, I've undressed. What shall I do with my clothes?" "Put them on the chair, on top of mine."